If I Said I Hate You I Lied

2006-09-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

i didn't really die. jesus, i'm shocked and kind of dismayed this thing still exists/i remember my password.

2001-05-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

i died today. happy birthday to me.

2001-05-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

you can only take what i give of me you can only win when i'm not afraid to lose subjected to your mother of nature limited to the color of your eyes drained by the one you call your lover she don't care if you live or die (days of the new)

2001-05-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

too much green day again, i'm getting all bouncy again, and it's freaking 5 am.... helllp?!

2001-05-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

danielle will be home soon. morgan will be graduating soon. all these things going on. and i'm feeling somewhat more positive than i have in a long time. good stuff, man.

2001-05-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. new tool album, in THIS house! woo. :) !

2001-05-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

more than possible movement to here. we'll see how it goes, k. ...

2001-05-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

wellll, my week has been fairly interesting. i took that acupressure class, and it was pretty much all i was doing from tuesday until yesterday. lots of hours, lots of different people. the class was cool, the people were pretty cool too. most of them. hehe. now i know two types of massage, woohoo. yesterday my mom picked me up from class and we went up to the mountains to camp at an indian

2001-05-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

heheheeeee. :P

2001-05-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

oh me oh my... headache time is now in full effect and i really must get to bed nownownow if i'm going to be waking up at 7 something. ick. but it's just i haven't been here much lately and i wanted to at least put a little nonsense back into this place, you know? hehe. :Pman my bed is going to be so nice in about two minutes. i had somethin else to say but damnit i forgot.night night!

2001-05-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

class, oh class... heh. man, am i a tired one right about now. just got home from a really long day in acupressure class. yay. one day is done. it went well. i learned some things, and even made a friend. her name's kristen and guess what her favorite band just happens to be? heheheeee..pearl jam! woohoo. :)ok, that's about all for now. i'm about ta pass the hell out. night.

2001-05-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

sooooooooootomorrow i'm going to start that long-awaited acupressure class.. i'm excited, but nervous. if i wasn't, i wouldn't be me. today's kinda craptacular. i'm moody as all hell.eh. nothing too new.if i don't get back here til after tomorrow, i'd just like to sayHAPPY BIRTHDAY to the lovely Kittay. I hope your 20th is better than anything.i'm out.

2001-05-06T23:39:00.000-07:00

hey, jonathan bought me a new cd! yaaaay! :) it's the one by COLD... they are pretty damn cool. i'm on song 3 and i'm about in love already. woohoo. nice pick, if i do say so meself.[nice pick, rhi]the damn quiz isn't showing the high scores. hmm. i know one person's taken it... heh. k, i'll be quiet now.

2001-05-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I did one too, just like Kittay & Donny. Well, why not? Tis cool. :)The little teeny Rhivedder quiz, yo!Hmm, what else.. well, Pearl Jam just came on the radio. *Sigh* Oh, I love those guys. They make me feel all tingly inside. Hehee. It's Sunday again, and uh-oh, I must have forgotten to go to church again. I was going to go to the beach, but I woke up with this nasty headache, and waking

2001-05-05T11:40:00.000-07:00

"where i'm lost and i'm found and i can't touch the ground"yay for mix tapes. i volunteered to make one for my sister's friend, since today is his birthday and my mom's offering up $5. yeah, it caused a problem with the sister yesterday. like she knows about money problems? i think her biggest worry as of late is whether or not she'll be able to get a popsicle from the ice cream truck after

2001-05-05T00:52:00.000-07:00

i think the next lesson that will be self-taught to myself is that some people just do not deserve the benefit of the doubt. heh. jeez.and my bangs are getting to that stupid in-my-eyes point, which i cannot stand. i swear, they were actually starting to be alright last week. i mean, despite the fact they are 3 different lengths from me trying to cut them myself that many times. i did alright,

2001-05-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, the future's sold outThere's no use screamingWho thought we'd ever get this far?Tonight, your faith has come downTo money and a TVPsychics who've never been to marsAnd nazis breast feedingI know you must be upsetI can't find meaningI'm sorry, we're sorryWe're all scared, all scaredHey is anybody home?Has anybody wasted tears on the lonelinessThat everyoneGoodnight, the truth has come

2001-05-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

grapey, huh.

2001-05-03T12:06:00.000-07:00

where the hell is everyone?

2001-05-03T01:44:00.000-07:00

now this is what i'm talking about. thanks for the idea, etcetera. colorquiz!Your Existing SituationSeeks to express the need for identification in a sensitive and intimate atmosphere where esthetic or emotional delicacy can be protected and nurtured.Your Stress SourcesFeels unappreciated and finds the existing situation disagreeable. Wants personal recognition and the esteem of others to

2001-05-03T01:13:00.000-07:00

i fucking hate it when i find a package of peach rings... that is EMPTY.fuckers, don't ya know where the trash is??

2001-05-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

why did i even post that poem? why do i feel so stupid about it? gah.. why are my moods all erratic? why do people suck? haha. it all goes together somehow, you know.i was listening to collective soul yesterday, it was weird. i haven't gotten any of those cds out for so long. it was like... collective soul, a lot, a WHOLE lot of pearl jam, tantric. dido, too.the radio's annoying me lately.

2001-05-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to write a summary on the bell jar, but turned this into something of myself, instead. it's kinda like girl, interrupted. i feel weirdly able to relate to that movie. nobody wants to relate to that movie. you know?oh yeah, check this out. i wrote it when i was 16. old journals are so cool to find sometimes.tells the story of a girland her crazy thoughts.she can't shake them away,

2001-05-01T02:38:00.000-07:00

remember that show, dead at 21? used to be on mtv, long time ago, when they played good shit like my so-called life? yeah, anyway. my ex-friend rachael and i always said we'd be dead by 21, too.what do you know, she's on speed and i'm on the route to insanity. hah.no, really.ladida.

2001-05-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

i wonder what took me so long to get into the clash. i mean, i've loved 'rock the casbah' for a long time now... duuh, me.i wonder why months are flying-why the ocean's waves are crying-there are so many people dying-and i'm not one of them.(yay. me. makes up for the duh. somewhat.)makes you think, doesn't it? kids + guns = fucks and/or kids + guns = deathand i know they aren't that fucking

2001-04-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

stay frozencompromise what i willi ambend around the wind silently blown about againi'm treading so soft and lightly compromising my will(apc)hmm, you know, this is so good to listen to sometimes. like, after your headache goes away, and you just want some kick ass good music playing. hehehe. yeah, so i'm boring. i'm kinda feeling quiet right now.

2001-04-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

i think i may just die.

2001-04-28T03:35:00.000-07:00

i just want to sit and starepretend that i don't care,and listen to [ed] bare-his poetries in which he shares the personal life that makes me despair.i cry when i imagine he does, because to know someone else you love that much is in pain... is beyond horrible. and it's beyond horrible to feel someone else's pain, as well.ed's not the only one. he's just the furthest one away.(some body please

2001-04-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

i think i am going to force myself to be creative. like, go outside with my camera and just go the hell off. cuz i don't want to be anything else....

2001-04-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

i got 2 packages from the academy of art san fran today.SIGH!!!!!!! LIKE I'VE NEVER SIGHED BEFORE!!!fuck.

2001-04-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

i bet my dad is missing his 91X right about now. hehe.

2001-04-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

got this one from(ohshiteiforgottobookmarkitdamnme)but i was happy with her cuz she answered eddie vedder to more than one question. :) she's ok in my book already.Do you wish on stars? i do indeed.When did you last cry? uh, like half an hour ago.If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you? good gawd... who knows. Do you like your handwriting? when i try.What are the # 1

2001-04-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

today officially sucks. starting now.oh, but tom did fix the computer. my computer, i guess. yay. green day's on leno, too.today still sucks.tomorrow i'm going to legoland to see just what it is that my brother does there. pictures will be taken.

2001-04-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

sadtomato has the right idea. as does opium. the first part was the best, anyway. so there.I see: my need and my presence, and sometimes will.I need: independence and love.I find: music makes life better.I want: happy thoughts and good feelings.I have: san diego and it’s beaches, for now.I wish: i was stronger.I love: my friends, music, art, and expression.I hate: loneliness, fear, and hate.

2001-04-25T23:32:00.000-07:00

april 25th is it. this month has gone pretty damn fast if you ask me. and i don't really know how that can be, since i've not been up to enough to make time fly. maybe it's the sleeping thing. that always makes time pass. i feel like i don't want to do that anymore, though. i want time to pass when i'm awake, hving some kind of thoughts running thru my head(and not the dream kind, i could be done

2001-04-24T01:43:00.000-07:00

my eyes were on the juice...until the dr pepper came up and started flirting with me.

2001-04-24T01:20:00.000-07:00

today was a good one. warm and everything, but not hot. we don't like hot here, eh?andy and i went to sunset cliffs for a while, and i took my camera along. the sun was bright, and blinding. yeah, i looked at it. heh. i took some pictures of him, and then of some surfers who were taking far too long to get into the water... how am i supposed to resist that? mmhmm, exactly. all was fine, and then

2001-04-23T01:30:00.000-07:00

i keep listening to the same music, over and over. there's nothing wrong with it, i am just really wondering about myself lately.~ like ~why the fuck is eminem even in my vocabulary?my mom is wondering the same thing. she asked me about it.morrissey, too. that is a weird story. why is everything "weird" tonight?? hmm.my mom has disliked him for as long as i can remember, so it [is] only natural

2001-04-23T00:17:00.000-07:00

in the words of aaron lewis, "it's been a while..."i found this quote on someone's page a few weeks ago. damn me if i can remember who's page. but anyway, weird to see that i think a bit like billy corgan, of all people. read on, yo."Say you write a song about a chandelier, and the chandelier gives off light. And the light is the color red and red reminds you of the color you're not supposed to

2001-04-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

ok, now i know a little bit how opium feels.Distrust and suspiciousnessBearing grudgesUnstable and intense relationshipsFeelings of emptinessSuggestibilitySocial inferiority feelingsNeed for excessive advice and reassuranceFear of being left to take care of selfBased on the above answer(s), your personality traits might be associated with following personality type(s):Paranoid Personality

2001-04-20T01:25:00.000-07:00

everybody's doing it. heh. don't you see who's on that list over there? <---1: Full Name: rhiana michelle keiser2: Age: 20Have you ever....3: Been kissed? yes.4: Done drugs? haha! yes.5: Eaten an entire box of Oreos? no way.6: Been on stage? yes.7: Dumped someone else? yes.8: Gotten in a car accident? yes. damn crazy women drivers. heh.9: Watched "Punky Brewster"? yes, long long ago. :P10: Been

2001-04-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

i'm listening to this song called "blue" by alice in chains, and it is so.... ugh. making me wanna cry or somethin. "are you real/do you feel.." i love those boys. they never let me down, you know.jonathan got me the new our lady peace cd. what a cool thing. :) there are a bunch of songs that start off with "R.K." as the title. oh, heh, that would be me. i knew raine and i had a thing goin' on...

2001-04-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

i've always wanted to take pictures of someone half dressed in a field of greengreen grass. anyone want to pose?

2001-04-15T23:02:00.000-07:00

joey ramone died today. that is totally sad. :(

2001-04-15T21:10:00.000-07:00

more easter fun. we went egg hunting like we always do. somehow we can turn everything else holiday-related down(decorate the what?), but never this. quite amusing, i think. i was the household champion, until jonathan finally showed me up today. bad for us. amanda threw a little fit, must be since she's 12. bleh. the first half of dinner sucked because of that.lil girl, can't ya just understand.

2001-04-15T14:31:00.000-07:00

so, i figured out for myself today that i have been celebrating easter because it is my family's tradition. i wonder if i will celebrate it on my own, when that time comes. i just might..

2001-04-15T01:10:00.000-07:00

today was the best day that i have had in... a long damn time. it started way too early, and i am very tired. but, i had to write. i woke up at 6am. my frog was jumping around in his tank, and the sound of the water splashing was just enough to get to me so i couldn't go back to sleep. by the way, i didn't have to be awake until 7. bleh. i hardly slept the night before, due to a bit of whiskey

2001-04-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

i thought i was waking up at 2 today, but it was only 8am. i am so lost lately. i turned back over and went to sleep again, waking up at 4... but it was only really 1. confusing enough for you?i really wanted to sleep all day, because lately there's nothing for me to be awake for. but i never can. as much as i want to.i want to go to the beach again. it's so much better there, no matter what

2001-04-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

it's all about me being fucking incredibly indecisive. that's what it is.so, i'm beginning to see a need for me making this zine. yeah, it's not a job, yeah, it's not school, either. but it's something constructive, and if i do this then maybe i can do something else someday, too.last night i watched the basketball diaries. it was better than the first time i saw it. probably cuz i'm a little

2001-04-11T04:06:00.000-07:00

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa. i left my moby cd on pause for 9 hours and 14 minutes. isn't that hilarious?

2001-04-11T03:10:00.000-07:00

check out my damn tarot reading! shit.past:Oppression, especially self-oppression through doubt. Dismissing your dreams as trivial or impossible.present:Structures falling apart, tension, people having trouble working together.future:Emotional turmoil, or else someone manipulative or even cruel.and i'm not really looking forward to it already, see. now how can this possibly help me out?blah.

2001-04-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

here i am. right here. not over there, behind your chair, or underneath the bed. just here. i guess i'm willing enough to be here. why, though, thats what i'm having trouble with. so, i'm supposed to be independent, get a job, move out, grow up. why is that such a hard thing for me to grasp? i would be much happier out of this place. i know i would. but.. the unknown is scarier than i thought it

2001-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

there's movementeverywherebut here.

2001-04-09T18:42:00.000-07:00

try and figure me out now, will you?.i see a world alikeis it me, or arewe all depressed;once alive,now just a mess.be quiet,or else suggesta flavor of tea,so that i can rest.you have an idea?well be my guest.it's not that hardto simply digress.sometimes it feelslike a grand protest...my heart, it burnsfrom this awful test.it's time, that's all,just go get dressed.sad/rhi040701

2001-04-07T14:26:00.000-07:00

so, this black beetle song called "wide road" is my recent obsession. if they ever come this way, i WILLWILLWILL see them live. and i'll be 21 by then... so all the venues will be able to handle me. hah. :)well, well. nothing new. we stayed at jr's last night, since jonathan drank enough to fall asleep on the floor... he didn't pass out, per say, but he didn't really care where he landed. heh. at

2001-04-06T02:43:00.000-07:00

dum dee dum.here i am again, but i don't really know why. i've not been feeling anything extra special lately, or anything like that. i'm not really writing too much. more than the past few months, but not enough. not even. i'm not feeling like writing now, really either. arg, life.i've started this webpage for my grandma, since she wants to sell things online. it looks a lot better than some

2001-04-04T02:52:00.000-07:00

it sucks we know how it feels. it really really does."it's really sad when you're not enough for the one person you want to be enough for"christina said it first.

2001-04-04T02:24:00.000-07:00

i hate myself when i'm sad.i woke up really late today, again. and tom was on the phone for me, and you can totally tell if i just woke up when i talk on the phone. bleh.i went out to dinner with jonathan and caroly, since we were celebrating the jonathan getting his job back at legoland thing. it was a good thing. he's a happy boy now. i'm thinking of going up there, too, since we could get a

2001-04-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

i love the rain. :)

2001-04-02T04:19:00.000-07:00

oh yay, i can hear the rain over the darkness of the night. *sigh*let's hope this sticks with us, hmm?

2001-04-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

well, i was thinking today coulda been decent. i woke up later than i wanted to, but when has that really been an issue for myself? yeah, soo, i was in school once, too.i mean, it actually began decently enough. tom took amanda to the beach with the dogs, so they were out of our hair. me and the bro's, i mean. we sat and talked a little, before jr called. he was going to go pick him up, and then

2001-04-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

i found this, that i posted a while ago. thought it kinda interesting.1.) If you could relive your life, what would you do differently?Answer:choose2.) What is your favorite band?Answer:pearl jam3.) What is your favorite film?Answer:edward scissorhands4.) What is your favorite type of music?Answer:rock5.) What is your favorite color?Answer:purple and silver6.) Suggest a book for me to read.?

2001-04-01T04:30:00.000-07:00

how'm i supposed to make a serious point today, when it's the day of fools? it makes no sense to even write in here, really. not like i'm into deceit and things of that nature, for i am not. that's why it's going to be tough getting thru today without taking things as serious as i tend to. i suppose my brother will do something to really get me as he usually can. i will make sure to stay away

2001-03-31T20:45:00.000-08:00

so the beach was being a bitch. utterly clouded over and darker than it should have been. maan, i hope those pics turn out...

2001-03-31T04:45:00.000-08:00

just me, here, non-sleeping, wondering[why the hell is jeff buckley dead]and[why are none of my friends online when i wanna talk]arg.

2001-03-31T01:22:00.000-08:00

what i really want right now is a vase full of peach roses that are all mine... right on my dresser, where i can see them when i go to bed, and when i wake up. it would feel so sweet..

2001-03-31T01:03:00.000-08:00

so, i saw this on hannah's page and had to try it. the goddess quiz:You scored 33.3% PersephoneIf you exemplify the qualities of Persephone, you have most likely experienced great loss in your life -- the loss of your health or your emotional or physical security, the betrayal of a friend or lover, the loss of a child, your own divorce or that of your parents. This experience has forced you to

2001-03-30T15:43:00.000-08:00

heeeeeeh(that's like the sigh on top of another). i'm going to take some pictures tomorrow at the beach of morgan's dad's friend, and i am way beyond nervous. i mean, what could possibly go wrong, besides the sunset, or the cloud cover, or the camera shake, or the ride out there, or the getting of film before hand... shite.i even had a bad dream about it last night. i usually have bad dreams

2001-03-29T04:33:00.000-08:00

p.s.this song by tantric called mourning just RULES! if you're liking their single, check this one out. :)

2001-03-29T04:31:00.000-08:00

well i am supposed to be writing about "something astonishing" today, but i feel as though there is nothing more astonishing than eddie vedder(kidding, kind of), and i have written plenty about him. so i guess i am a bit stuck. i shall now go back to february and see what was up on the... oh never mind. that idea is lost on me.well i've been up all night so far, no big deal since i slept in a

2001-03-28T15:17:00.000-08:00

the last time i saw [doug]the last time i saw doug was in a yearbook that was not my own. i don't know when exactly it was, but it was tia's yearbook. whenever i was friends with her. early high school times.. hmm. i was just flipping through it, and bam, there he was. i wondered where he went, since he had moved away years earlier and he hardly kept in touch. it wasn't all him though. i guess it

2001-03-27T00:10:00.000-08:00

where am i now? i wish i knew. i just wrote an immense letter to morgan. it is amazing how fast pages fill up when i write letters, even with a tiny cute font. hmm. i'm restless and under construction. heh. i want to write -dammit- but i don't have much in me. well, i DO, but. butbutbut. and here i am writing it here. why you ask? it's easier than writing it on the ceiling. duh. so let's write it

2001-03-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

unconstant me. i wonder how general and monotonous i can be here right now. i don't know if i can. oh screw it, i'll just write.there were signs and signalsat an earlier time, i was happy. maybe it was before i had boyfriends. maybe it was before rachael and high school and pot and alcohol. but i don't know if that all made a huge difference. i mean, the first time i got drunk was in college, so.

2001-03-24T14:22:00.000-08:00

ok, i was just thinking how weird this is... i've seen Pearl Jam a total of 10 times (sd93,96,98,sf99,00sd,sac,sf,port,sea&sea), and i have met eddie vedder 4 times(yay for me, right, since he IS the man).i met eddie in 93, 98 and 00 twice. so that would be my first, third, fifth, and seventh. 1, 3, 5, 7... don't you see? i'm not a crazy girl, i'm just finding a pattern here and sharing. sorry

2001-03-23T13:53:00.000-08:00

i just got a new jeff buckley song, called "i against i" and it's coool. different yes, but cool. jeff in a new light, who woulda thought... thanks to John in NY for putting it on his mp3 list. :)and i was thinking of veruca salt cuz of kittay's entry, and i just saw this band called scratching post on muchmusic and it kinda sounds like them. weird.i'm feeling all crappy like, cuz this cold snuck

2001-03-22T14:54:00.000-08:00

this mp3 list is starting to make me feel something that i don't want to feel. something is making my stomach hurt like mad, and it's like this consistant chewing... that i haven't done today, but i'm not up for that.my arms ARE all sore and not nice looking from that concert still. i can't lean very well. eh. it's not looking as bad as it feels though, and i was thinking and noting to myself

2001-03-20T01:33:00.000-08:00

yay for me, i'm one happy rhivedder. i met jerry cantrell after the show, and it ROCKED! :) i knew i was loving alice in chains for a reason.

2001-03-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

yay for MAIL!! i just got my Pearl Jam boots from the fanclub! woohoo! and i got my Jeff Buckley boots from Laura saturday. what a day what a day. :) and tonight is jerry. i'm on some kinda cloud right now, but i don't know how high off of the ground i really am...

2001-03-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

daaaaamn, the stepdad's cutting an onion waaaaaaaaaaay over there, and my eyes are still burning. jeezus!!!!!

2001-03-17T00:52:00.000-08:00

well i think my uncle's doing a little better. i sure hope so.not much is going on now, i just felt the urge to be here for a few minutes. maybe until the bro gets home, or until i wake someone up with my loud typing fingers.the guys that live behind us are being loud. i think they're having some kind of st. patty's day party or something of that sort. makes sense. plus, they haven't had a party

2001-03-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

my uncle's in the hospital, doing pretty bad i hear. so now it's just worryworryworry until i hear that it's ok not to. seems kinda screwy doesn't it? well it does to me. i'm thinking of old people lately, due to this. my grandparents are all up there. all except the step ones. and you know, half of them aren't anywhere close enough to visit. well, you know. i am broke, so.. yeah.this seems to be

2001-03-13T18:52:00.000-08:00

GeminiHoroscope (by astronet.com)You may be overburdened and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. If you are worried about legalities, your home life, or personal success, try to find new solutions, and be open to inspiration. Set new goals and embrace new challenges. Be wary of offers that are unclear, however. You could accomplish miracles, but you will have to work through the scare

2001-03-13T18:07:00.000-08:00

i may act simple minded, but i am not.<3

2001-03-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

i ordered a couple pearl jam bootlegs today. now it's the waiting part that sucks like mad! yuck. ahem. okay, here i am. i have a headache, but what else is new. i refuse to take my hair down from its braid, even though that might help. i don't wanna, it's a total mess when it's not in the braid. i'm thinking it's time for a haircut.today iswrite about a longingthe sun was out today, and it was

2001-03-13T14:23:00.000-08:00

we drove by where morgan is. kinda sad he's not home, but he wrote and said he's having "fun". hmm. i hope, for his sake. hard ta believe he's that close and we can't see him til the end of may.

2001-03-13T06:20:00.000-08:00

there's something so stupid about going to bed at a decent hour, and then waking up too early, and not being able to sleep again until that afternoon, or maybe later that day. it makes me wonder why i even try to get back to a reasonable schedule. i was hoping to be up early and make some kind of breakfast, but now i'm just up too early, and here.i think carolyn and i may go to the beach today,

2001-03-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

there are underlings that will not let me speak. they are both conscious and subconscious.you have stayed too longi wonder many a night why am i here. i don't figure that this is some horrid battle set to be fought by me, along with the others i have or have not chosen to be in my life. that is, however, what it has been turning into.this struggle not to be useless, this other struggle not to

2001-03-09T02:25:00.000-08:00

i feel as though i ripped myself off yesterday by staying up all night, and then taking a nap... and now staying up as i am. hmm. well, the writing was titled Night, and i was a bit excited about writing it... only i was tired enough to fall asleep ON my notebook, without writing a single word in it. blech.anyway, onto the present, right?got my ticket for jerry cantrell... [did i already write

2001-03-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

here is my attempt to change.i have this book. it's called a writer's book of days... i bought it initially to write everyday for a year, but that was a big goal, and i haven't picked it up for a few months now. might be cuz my book was hiding under the concert scrapbook, and THAT was pretty dusty. heheheh. >:)today's topic: write about someone who left(a.k.a. spill it veddah)well i only have an

2001-03-06T12:25:00.000-08:00

i thought i heard my mom mowing the lawn, and wondered why she would, since it is raining a bit right now. man, i have no answers. man.

2001-03-06T06:31:00.000-08:00

thanks to jeannette for the thought of the day:"i don't love how people don't talk to you all of the sudden and you get all worried about them."hah.

2001-03-06T05:50:00.000-08:00

waking up to this grey is not as disillusional as i thought it would be... but i haven't in fact been to sleep.. as of yet.it's hard doing that these days, when i feel as if sleep will just keep me from the things i miss. and hiding around the corner from a bad dream or worse- a good one- isn't making me run to my pillows any easier.so i know i have to get out of here. so what? that's not doing

2001-03-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

oh wow. so shoot me. i'm off the wall, and there's a reason for once. a good one. takes much sometimes, and this is what i want, even better than what i need, perhaps. i just found out that jerry cantrell - you know the guy? you know, alice in chains? yeah, one of THOSE. THOSE guys, that make life so much more bittersweet, much more doable, when everything is coming down on your head. he's coming

2001-03-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

i wanted to find a flower to crawl into.i wanted to feel a use beside the burden.all i felt was sad.it was like the flower turned to dust,and the hunt became another wasted second.i left before the sun came up,and the ones in my way hardly fought me.more and more i see the leaves growing around me.i'm leaving what is known.slowly, i change.slowly. i feel like dying.happiness mindlessness

2001-03-04T23:17:00.000-08:00

ok, i'm a big fat liar. i thought i was done for now, but it turns out i have a bit more time than i thought i'd have to be here. weeha. anyway, i found a quote here and i wanted to share it:"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Anonymoussweet, don't you think?and somehow this makes me a bit sadder...

2001-03-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

i was talking to my cousin philip earlier about sending morgan off to the marines. he told me to call him jar head from now on. i can think of a few people that would be happy to do that. he kind of looks like one, doesn't he? heh. you know i love ya morgan.his mom called me today and told me that i have a letter from him already. he must be in some serious yucky if he's actually writing letters

2001-03-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

how are you supposed to feel happy and/or uplifted when your days all feel like THIS?!my sentiments exactly.

2001-03-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

i'm just thinking today about promises and ignorance and lonliness and grudges and things of that sort. i don't know where to bring you in on this, i'm lost enough as it is myself. hmms.well i heard/read that mr. jerry cantrell is going to be releasing a double album sometime this year. this would be a very very nice happening in this world of scary music getting scarier. so i think anyway. you

2001-03-01T20:47:00.000-08:00

"tune it inchill outdrop deadi need a fix..."my uncle and cousin are both here visiting from the cold place, so we went out today and had some fun. went to the beach, even though it was a bit cold for that. windy more like it. but still. we found a bunch of shells, and i found this cool little piece of driftwood... looked like little stairs or something of that sort. cute. we went and saw the sea

2001-03-01T00:36:00.000-08:00

i am one lucky rhivedder! yeeha. so, me and the bro went downtown, and it was cold as hell. thin jackets, what for, you know.. just cuz we live in sunny sd and all. bleh.anyway, we went downtown to 4th and b, cuz we were going to get to meet henry rollins. we waited a while, 2 hours i guess. we heard a little of the show thru the open doors at the front of the building, but only very little cuz